Cregenda

Marriage is arguably the second most important decision that one will ever make, next to a decision to repent and believe in the Lord Jesus.  This is because marriage cannot be changed.  You can move countries, change employment, change place of residence, move churches, leave friends etc.  But you cannot change your wife/husband (without serious disobedience to God’s word).  ”For better or for worse…” Proverbs 21:9, 19, 25:24 indicate that life with a certain type of person can be a huge problem.  If “…an excellent wife who can find?” (Prov 31:10) and if “…one man among a thousand I found, but a woman among all these I have not found” (Ecc 7:28) are true… then a decision related to a life partner is a decision of supreme importance.

1. The cost needs to be counted first.  “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?” (Luke 14:28)  And verse 31: “Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand?” The implications of this in the context of a courtship is that certain building blocks and raw materials need to be in place before commencing the courtship.  A prayerful consideration needs to be made of the person, their character, lifestyle, doctrine, the way they interact with family members, their perspective on the church and church life, the kind of company they keep, their work ethic, temperament, cultural and emotional background etc. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3)  All these things need to be prayerfully considered before commencing a courtship to see “whether he has enough” or “whether he is able” to take the plunge into the strong emotional current of Courtship River.   If these assessments are left for the courtship period, emotions are more than likely to get in the way and the expression “love is blind” is likely to become true.

Lots of godly counsel needs to be sought. “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Prov 15:22) “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety“ (11:14). “Plans are established by counsel; by wise guidance wage war.” (20:14) “…for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory“ (24:6).  In the context of a courtship, considering the seriousness of the decision, a lot of counsel is needed–which will take a lot of time.  Those who know you best need to be consulted: family members, close friends, the pastor and elders, church family, work colleagues–people who are more likely to be objective and who are not emotionally involved.  All this counsel needs to be sought out before commencing a courtship and before “letting the emotions loose” (Song 2:7, 3:5, 8:4).
Lots of prayer needs to be made alone before God.  Before Jesus selected the twelve apostles, “…he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God. And when day came, he called his disciples and chose from them twelve, whom he named apostles…” (Luke 6:12-13).  Notice that he was alone and that he was earnest in prayer before calling out the twelve.  So too, earnest prayer (alone and with others) needs to be made before commencing a courtship.
There must be submission to God’s will

• • A potential spouse must be sought from a content heart.  A content heart is willing to say, “Lord I desire this, but your will be done.”  In other words, “Lord if it is your will for me to marry or not to marry at all for the rest of my life: your will be done.” “Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”  (Luke 22:42)
  • Don’t seek for marriage alone.  To put it another way:  don’t look for a spouse.  Rather look for someone with whom you can live an Eph 5:22-33 life.  The difference is subtle, but profound.  The one way is man-centered and idolatrous; the other is God-centered.
  • You marry a person, you don’t marry marriage